Use Appropriate Language and Behaviors
- Mirror the body language of the person you’re talking to.
- Express your thoughts clearly and concisely.
- Listen actively when others are speaking.
- Summarize what you heard and ask for clarification.
Step 1: Prepare for Important Meetings or Conversations
Business etiquette consultant Carolyn Powery emphasizes the power of first impressions. According to her, “people form judgments within 7 seconds, even before you speak.” Your posture, professional attire, and approachability—such as smiling and using open body language—play vital roles in shaping that impression.
To be well-prepared:
- Research topics you’re unfamiliar with.
- Take notes on key points.
- If it’s a high-stakes conversation, consider doing a practice run with a friend.
Developmental psychologist Leslie Bosch adds that practice is key. “It helps you figure out exactly what you want to say and why it’s important. Practice also makes it possible to achieve higher levels of performance.”
Step 2: Speak Clearly and Concisely
Tailor your message to the recipient based on their communication preferences. If you don’t know their preferences, ask others who might. Consider the following:
- Some prefer big-picture over detailed breakdowns.
- Some are more direct, others prefer a softer approach.
- Some are people-focused, while others are more task-oriented.
Step 3: Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues
Body language speaks volumes—often louder than words. Even unconscious gestures can reveal thoughts and feelings.
For example:
- A person with crossed arms and a stiff posture might not be as receptive as their words suggest.
Carolyn Powery shares a networking event experience where approaching a closed group caused them to disperse. This reinforced the importance of reading body language to understand social openness.
Step 4: Clarify Your Understanding of What Was Said
Active listening involves paraphrasing the speaker’s words to confirm your understanding.
Certified executive coach Jessica Elliot says, “Active listening and great question asking… are vital for workplace synergy.”
Her advice:
- Listen 70% of the time and speak 30%.
Psychotherapist Kelli Miller agrees, noting that most people don’t realize they talk more than they listen.
Certified life coach Nora Oliver suggests asking follow-up questions to gain clarity and discover deeper insights.
Step 5: Be Open to Feedback from Others
Especially in professional settings, demonstrating that you value others’ input builds respect and trust.
Powery explains:
- “To command respect, you need to show that you value what others have to say.”
- “Respect is earned when people feel heard and valued.”
Professional certified coach Alyson Garrido recommends using the KISS model:
- Keep
- Improve
- Start
- Stop
This helps generate actionable feedback rather than vague compliments.
Step 1: Empathize with Anyone Speaking to You
Sometimes, people just need to vent. Validate their feelings by showing understanding.
You might say:
- “It’s totally understandable that you’d be upset—I would be too!”
- “Anyone would have been upset about that.”
Such comments show empathy and help the person feel heard.
Step 2: Speak Clearly in a Calm, Measured Tone
In emotionally charged moments:
- Use simple, direct language.
- Repeat calming phrases to reassure the other person.
For example:
- “It’s okay to be upset. Anyone would be upset in your shoes.”
Step 3: Focus on Solutions to Urgent Problems
When possible:
- Act on simple solutions right away.
- Shift focus to what needs to happen next.
- In emergencies, ensure safety first, then resolve other issues.
Step 4: Be Patient with People Who Are Panicking
If someone is overwhelmed:
- Bring them to a safe, quiet place.
- Be present without pressuring them.
- If they can communicate, ask how you can help.
In emergencies, channel adrenaline into constructive action.
Step 1: Choose an Appropriate Time to Have Your Discussion
Plan for a time when both of you are relaxed and undistracted.
Relationship coach Candice Mostisser notes, “The hardest first step is really to admit to yourself that maybe there’s something you need to talk about.”
Step 2: Express Your Feelings Honestly and Openly
Professional life coach Amber Rosenberg advises transparency, especially for difficult conversations.
“Avoiding interpersonal conflict is tempting, but addressing it head-on strengthens relationships,” she says.
Step 3: Use “I” Statements to Keep the Focus on Your Feelings
Avoid blame by expressing how you feel.
Kelli Miller advises:
- Say “I feel this way when…” instead of “You always…”
Candice Mostisser adds:
- “Communicate your issue, how it affects you, and propose a solution. Then ask for your partner’s input to resolve it together.”
Step 4: Listen to the Other Person and Validate Their Feelings
“There’s a huge difference between hearing and listening,” says Miller.
Reflective listening helps:
- Restate what the other person says to ensure understanding.
- Reinforces empathy and minimizes misinterpretation.
Mostisser suggests maintaining a physical connection—like holding hands—to reinforce the partnership during tough talks.
Step 5: Take Time-Outs to Regulate Your Emotions
Psychotherapist Lauren Urban says we often act on difficult feelings immediately without reflection.
She recommends:
- Take a breath.
- Center yourself before reacting.
Clinical psychologist Liana Georgoulis agrees:
- Avoid communicating when overwhelmed.
- Emotional flooding (heart rate above 90–95 BPM) impairs communication.
Both parties need to be calm and willing to listen.
Step 1: Start Out with Relatively Formal Speech When Talking to Strangers
When in doubt, choose a more formal tone. Context matters:
- Formality is suitable in professional settings.
- It’s unnecessary at casual events like concerts or informal dining.
Step 2: Make an Effort to Get to Know the Person Through Small Talk
Small talk:
- Helps you understand the person’s tone and mannerisms.
- Builds familiarity.
- Lays a foundation for more meaningful communication.
Step 3: Watch and Mirror the Person’s Body Language
Mirroring:
- Builds trust and ease.
- Involves subtle gestures like posture or crossed legs.
Also, pick up on words or phrases they use often—it creates a sense of familiarity.
Step 4: Adjust Your Style of Speech Based on the Person’s Response
Gauge their tone and body language:
- If formal, stay formal.
- If casual, feel free to loosen up.
People usually relax during conversation. You can match their tone as they do.
Step 1: Appreciate Cultural Differences
Cross-cultural communication has more room for misunderstanding. Avoid assumptions.
Psychotherapist Lauren Urban advises:
- Pause and consider other interpretations before reacting emotionally.
Step 2: Avoid Sensitive Subjects
Every culture has different taboos. Generally avoid:
- Politics
- Religion
Match your tone to the conversation’s mood. Avoid jarring topic changes.
Step 3: Speak Directly Using Simple Language
Simple language is:
- Easier to understand
- Less open to misinterpretation
Example:
- Instead of “I expect confirmation by the close of business on Friday,” say “I need to know by Friday afternoon.”
Step 4: Ask Questions If You Don’t Understand Something
Candice Mostisser recommends asking follow-up questions to deepen the conversation.
This:
- Keeps you engaged
- Helps you understand the other person’s perspective better
Understanding Different Communication Styles
Direct
Focuses on facts and results.
- Best approach: Be brief, factual, and avoid unnecessary details.
Analytical
Prefers detailed, data-driven communication.
- Best approach: Offer step-by-step guides, detailed explanations, and tracking tools.
Collaborative
People-focused, values group growth over end results.
- Best approach: Listen actively and ensure inclusivity.
Expressive
Emotionally driven, values relationships over tasks.
- Best approach: Keep it casual, personal, and share your own feelings.
Better Communication Leads to Stronger Relationships
Effective communication builds:
- Trust
- Understanding
- Mutual respect
It’s a skill you can learn and improve. Start with active listening—once you really listen, it becomes easier to adapt your speech and connect with others more meaningfully.
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